Slowly but surly I am getting a hang of this thing called reflecting on not only my life, but my choices that I made so far on my journey. Like what if I never applied to FIT, never moved to NYC, never met the people I have met? What would my like look like? Better Worse? I don’t know, but I have recently been thinking like this. The, ahem, what if questions are starting to bombard the psyche and me understanding why this is has become a tug-of-war.
For the past six years, after graduating from FIT and two years prior in undergrad, I had goals set in mind and how naively they should be checked off as my journey began: Be the best fashion designer, work with amazing creatives, own my life (meaning work on my time and on my projects when I see fit) fall in love, start a family and travel more.
About 50% of that “list” has happened. For me when things don’t go the way they are planned I tend to close off, not ask the questions why and reflect (that word again) on how to make a goal more attainable. But also not reflecting on all the great things that have happened in my life, which honestly does outweigh the bad. I am working on this. This is my testimony because let’s face it of course shit is not going to go as you plan, but dwelling on why it hasn’t happened is not going to make it happen either.
I look at it this way for myself, it took years for me how to sew, how to pattern make, how to design a line. I had to go through a step by step through my learning process and even interned under designers who were doing what I wanted accomplish. I couldn’t rush or skip steps if I wanted a gorgeous sample produced. Rushing through steps can be disastrous for the sample (trust me I have witnessed this). Having the correct tools and guidance is key to overcoming any obstacle on the journey to mental wellness and its ok to ask for that help along the way.
In closing I want you all including myself to be more gentle with yourself and your journey. This is not to be rushed. But if you feel like something is really bothering you reflect on that with a therapist or close friend that will be beneficial to your growth and evolution. We all want happiness and peace.
D is located in New York where she is a full time fashion designer for a plus size brand for men and women. Follow her here or on Instagram @fashionblastnyc
“It’s a lifestyle albeit messy, but we surviving.”